[Frank Velasquez Jr.]

Hi Benjamin:

I love the tone! The only thing I would give as feedback, is to give more details about what the challenges are that would “obliterate” most of us. Name them. It’s okay to name them because you’ve already led with their aspirations, etc.

The other thing is the levels of ask. There isn’t anything wrong, per se, about what you’re asking for. It kind of comes off as a “transaction” which is what we don’t want. It’s just a trick the brain does. So I would find a better way to get donors to give where they feel it’s less a transaction and more an investment in their community.